Sleep

Why don’t you fall asleep?
My dear, my little cup of sugar,
Why don’t you sleep…?
Don’t worry, I won’t hurry,
I shan’t leave you while you sleep!
I am no coward girl,
So learn to be brave…
Tonight sleep with your eyes shut,
Tonight have your dreams once again,
I am by your side,
And I made a promise,
That I shall keep your nightmares at bay,
The ghosts that haunt you,
Shall be no more,
I shall haunt them far, far away…
So sleep sugar,
Sleep with a smile painted across your face,
And maybe if I watch you,
Then I shall learn what it is to be free,
Perhaps maybe then… I shall learn to sleep again!

The Send-off

A peculiar send-off this,
No guns blazing, trumpets none,
A peculiar army this,
Men carved out of foolish boys,
Bred together, taught together,
But leaving for battle on different fronts,
On distant shores…

Some leave early, some not so,
And some stay back, and grumble…
Noble deeds await,
And titles, and the silver shine…
And the shadows they leave,
Are shades that linger,
A peculiar send-off this,
The past buries the future.

A peculiar send-off this,
No confessions made, none whatsoever,
Secrets padlocked in bedroom closets,
Left to rot and wander…
A peculiar send-off this,
Dried eyes and aching texts,
Where a bashful charlatan,
Bids farewell to a few good men.

The broken wire

3 of my semester papers are over, 2 to go………
And to think that past this 12th, I’ll have to severe all the ties that had bound me for those 4 years…
This feeling isn’t new, No. I have had to leave school; that was painful. I have had to leave high school; that was pretty okay. But each time, I was also happy; I had proved my mettle and I was going to better places…and I loved it back then.
Now what do I look forward to? A cubicle?
Some of my friends seem to have the idea that with this new life, money shall come. And with money they’ll buy independence.
I was independent to begin with. I never was answerable to any one except perhaps my mother. And obeying her; I loved that……… I love it still.
So no false illusions of independence for me.
“Take whatever comes in your stride with a smile.”!!!!!
~Spare me the sermon, be so kind.

And then there are certain things, certain confessions that never were made and haunt me still. This few days, I am finding it very difficult to sleep. I go to bed latest by 2:00a.m., so that Maa has no reason to shout at me. But it strikes 4:00 and I am still awake.
… … … and one fine morning, I think it was the day before yesterday, as I leaf through the newspaper this catches my eye - - -
“Don’t blame your self if you can’t sleep at night, it is not stress (!), it is just the heat.” … … …imbeciles.

And they have come up with a new nickname for me, and its about time too. “Taar-kata”: broken-wire………hats off to ‘bhombol’ for this one… … …yesterday we were having our routine tête-à-tête after the exam, and as I’d been silent for quite sometime, one remarked, “…what’s wrong with you boy, why don’t you speak?”
~” Aami je taar-kata!”
I don’t know what made them laugh then… … … I didn’t.
In that uneventful evening I lost my glasses… … …and possibly the storm took them away, for I could find no traces, none at all.
“Things that are lost better leave no traces, or one ends up chasing after them.”

~Wires that are cut, are cut for good.

Fare-thee-Well

My life began from you,
A metaphor yet so true;
And foolish me, I tried,
To shed you off, like a dead leaf.
But last night the cursed itch
Came back again, it hurt again,
Now that I’m going away,
And that you should stay.


And as I looked back, I acquiesced,
It was not the touch of your hand,
Or the glimpse of your sunny face,
That made me smile;
But that you are in my radius,
That you are close by,
Made me earn each breath I breathed.


And you may already be wondering,
(though I surely feel you’re not)
“Why does this boy write alone,
And speaks not a word?”
The answer to this I know not,
But perhaps I am too proud to be loved,
Or am I too frail?
It’s not that I have never judged you,
But always it’s been me I found wanting.


But you know that I write when insane,
And that sanity holds my tongue,
And in madness men speak truth.
In madness I speak the truth.
The insignia that you’ve given me,
I find it hard to rub away,
I never learnt to walk the middle path.
(Always somewhat of a bohemian)
And if I don’t love you babe,
Then I must learn to hate…

Curtains

Ending days are near here, the bells will soon toll, and I look back to the four years that changed everything…

July, 2004, I forget the exact date (possibly the 5th); the day that this batch of JU-CSE began. Sixty odd boys and girls came together, on that most auspicious of days, and then it all began.

Some were lucky, for they saw familiar faces; friends from previous days…even rivals (for the word meant something back then). Others were luckier still, everyone was a stranger to them, and everyone was a potential friend. And everyone had a dream (yes all of us dreamt back then, and I believe they dreamt BIG; no restrictions were possible, no reservations apt).
… … … and oh yes!!! Everyone was ready to fall in LOVE!

The seniors were marvelous! And we experienced our share of the moolah called ragging. Not that we did not like it! Something so purely unconventional has its charms. So started our first semester… and that charm I was talking about! We finally had to give in to it, some as soon as the first semester (I was always a late bloomer and it took me three bloody semesters to be as charming as that) while some as late as few months back… … … and without much ado it can be safely said that the circle is now complete; “All them bastards have finally been deported to neverland, Capitan. And look at them fools; they are smiling with their dirty teeth out! Argh!” Charming indeed!

“Four years!” as soon as this phrase comes to my mind I let out a deep sigh. Has it been that long? “Twenty odd days left, possibly a month”- is it going to be so soon?
The time that is past, cannot be lived again, but the time that is to come… can’t we slow it down? To beat time we must run at least as fast as light, and that is precisely what I have been doing, what we all have been doing, running here and there in the campus’ field (and did you think we love playing cricket?!!!) and when tired lying thereupon (the grass was never so green nor did it ever smell so sweet; and the weather so frightfully beautiful!).

“Have you ever seen a supernova? A star explodes into a thousand pieces, each finding its way away from where the star used to be, away from each other as well- like sparks flying in all directions.”

Have I seen a supernova? .......... No. That is to say, not yet.

Lying there on the field, as we look up at the evening sky, the stars seem much closer now, as if all have gathered to witness the spectacle, our very own SUPERNOVA!
When men die it is not beautiful (and I am not much into romanticism that glorifies death); but we are not dying anyway… it’s just a metaphorical death, this. And the good thing with metaphors is that you can embellish them further. We began with dreams, yes? Some were lost in the way, and new ones took their place. Very well! We shall drink tonight and every following night to the health of the newest addition to our collection, the dream that this death is going to be beautiful for a change!

Amen! [chorus]

Last Few Months

Last few months
I did many things,
Last few months
I ran wild;
My smile was returned to me,
As I once more became a child.

Last few months
I ate a little less,
Last few months
I lost weight;
When my queue had ended,
I again began to wait.

Last few months
I ran a lot,
Last few months
I danced in the rain;
My life was hurled from a catapult,
As I lost where I was meant to gain.

Last few months
I felt no scare,
Last few months
I met peace;
My heaven now belonged to me God,
Like the pond belongs to the Big Fish.

Last few months
I ran into a lot of money,
Last few months
I didn’t have to borrow;
To own myself a kingdom of joy,
I embraced a wee bit of sorrow.

Last few months
I wrote a lot,
Last few months
I embraced hope;
Everything went smooth, as I played the Hero,
Of my long cherished dream, my hand-written bioscope.

And that bioscope’s still on,
In theatres that showcase amateurs;
It plays to packed houses every Sunday,
My pantomime and a gala of moth-eaten caricatures.

"Just another Nightmare"

Not too long ago,
I stepped into a messy quagmire.

_____________________________

At first I had had my inhibitions,
But then something happened,
Someone caught me by the hand
And said, “Come now, follow me,
There is nothing to fear.”
And so I let myself be led.

But the farther I went
The deeper I sank,
The damned stench of blood and clay;
And the all encompassing darkness…!
But none of these did my mentor feel,
As if he belonged there,
As if he were born out of that pungent mess.

I felt as if led by a Shade,
For where I was blind,
His vision seemed clear,
But the prefixes and suffixes
Of what he must’ve felt
Were blur!

But I did hold my patience
Even when everything around
Smelt of a kill, a Rat.
Until he gave me that Sinister Smile,
And I felt an inhuman chill
Crawl up my spine.
And then I ran, I ran,
Away from his sapphire gaze,
Till I broke free of that God-forsaken maze;
I was bathed in mud,
And I too now smelt of the Blood.

________________________________

It was long ago,
I stepped into that messy quagmire;
I found out afterwards,
It was just another nightmare;
But I still smell of the blood,
And whatever I touch, turns Clay.